Brookfield, WI Spa Shooting 10/21/2012 In Memory of Victims

I hope many of you will see this posting. In my hometown of Brookfield, WI, there was a horrific shooting at a well-known salon and spa, just miles away from the salon I practice in. It has been all over the news, and three of the salon employees were shot and killed that day. 4 others were taken to the hospital and are in satisfactory condition.
The root of this shooting? An ex husband whose wife was a hair dresser at the salon - jealous, abusive, and constantly showing criminal actions towards her. However, authorities never really stepped in to help her cry for help. So she was shot to death, in cold blood at her workplace. It's horrible. It's tragic. And our community is trying to rebuild and help the victims and their families through this horrifying event.

A local salon in downtown Milwaukee has started fundraising and helping to make the awareness of domestic abuse KNOWN in the area, and to step in to help recognize this terrible thing.

Please consider visiting the website: http://www.cutitout.org/how.html for salon professionals (spa, nails, massage, hair, etc.). If we can make this known, in the future we can put these abusers behind bars before they can continue to harm their loved ones with abuse.
Thank you for reading.

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Permalink Reply by Susanne Schmaling on October 26, 2012 at 9:36am

Sara, thank you so much for sharing, we at ASCP posted the cutitout.org website link on our social media sites to encourage everyone to pay attention. The sad part is, this is not the first time this has happened in our profession. For everyone who has gone through domestic abuse, what practical steps can we do to make everyone understand the seriousness of this problem? any ideas?

Permalink Reply by Carrie Patrick on October 26, 2012 at 11:07am

Just to add to what Susanne said, we will also have some information in the next issue of ASCP Skin Deep about how to recognize the signs of abuse in a client (or anybody else) and how to respond.
Here are just some personal things I'd like to say on the subject, which I have had some previous experience with. Number one to keep in mind, a victim of domestic abuse is almost always psychologically affected by it to the point where she (or he, because it can happen to ANYONE in ANY type of relationship) finds it harder and harder to take action on their own behalf. People who have not experienced this will often find it very hard to understand why the victim doesn't just leave. Please remember that one of the major aspects of domestic abuse is emotional manipulation. The victim feels that everything is their own fault, that the situation is normal, "it's not really that bad," "I deserve it, we have a great relationship and this wouldn't happen if I was just a better person" etc etc. If they have been in the situation for years, it has a MAJOR, MAJOR effect on their ability to act for themselves. Many people who have successfully escaped an abusive relationship will take many years and much effort and professional help to move beyond the psychological effects.

Domestic abuse is not just about physical violence (which might not even be involved in all cases of abuse!) and even more than watching for physical signs of violence, you need to watch for the non-physical signs. Some of these are: isolation from friends/family/social life, fear of having/ expressing one's own opinion, extreme concern about what the abuser will think of any action or decision taken (in the spa environment, this could translate to someone who seems MUCH too worried about something like a hair color change, the decision to book a service, or body image issues).

I think the most important thing if someone you know is potentially being abused, is to support that person and encourage them that it is NOT normal, they do NOT deserve to be treated this way, and that there are professionals and organizations that can help them. Please never, ever put yourself in harm's way by trying to directly intervene, beyond support and referring them to a domestic violence hotline or local agency. The most dangerous part of this situation is when a victim attempts to leave the abuser. This is when their life, and the lives of others, is most likely to be at extreme risk. Domestic abuse professionals can help victims leave and get to a safe location.

Permalink Reply by Abram Herman on October 26, 2012 at 12:18pm

Thank you for sharing, Sara, and thanks so much for the link to http://www.cutitout.org/--what a great resource! I'll definitely highlight this on our social media pages to help get the word out, I'm so glad to know something like this exists!

Permalink Reply by cynthia knight on October 29, 2012 at 7:00am

   I offer my deep sympathy to anyone affected by this. However, the practical question is, How can we make the police protect us? It does say 'to protect and to serve' on most police cars. Painted right there on the side like bad advertising on a city bus.

The police need to be made accountable. It's written right there by the author of the post. I would sue the officers involved and the police force and start a fund for getting these ladies a safe apartment or a big dog, or a new city and a new life.  The citizens should start a house with a security guard for these ladies until they can get away safe. Practicality.

You would be surprised at the lack of actual help there is out there, ladies. Really. I had some rough times and there was just no safe place to keep myself until I got on my feet.  The shelters offer say, three days or a night maybe. ANd it seemed to me that there weren't even rooms or beds where there weren't men either. Not that men are 'bad' but it seems mixing the sexes would be a bad idea that way especially for abuse recoverers and escapees. Making calls to get help was like E.T. phoning home- just seems there was empty space out there. I got refered around alot. Lots of referring.

This tragedy did not have to happen. All those who are suffering now did not have to be.

Permalink Reply by Sara Kathleen Bohlmann on October 30, 2012 at 9:48pm

I completely agree. Unfortunately, authority did not protect as much as they could have, and now it's really being tested in our state. The Governor of WI is now trying to enforce laws.

It's just so sad that these women, in our industry, lost their lives.

Permalink Reply by Devyn M. on October 30, 2012 at 10:02pm

Very sad. This happened in a salon about 30 minutes from me a year ago. Pretty much the same situation. Absolutely disgusting that people get away with the abuse that happens every single day! I know women feel like they can't get away so they stay in a bad situation for too long. I guess I don't understand why the abuse starts. Why do men (or maybe women in some cases I'm sure) think it's ok to do this? 

Thank you for sharing. We all need to be reminded so that we can be aware and continue to try and help.

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